Full Permission | Week 4

During the Fall 2019 cycle of Redemption Groups, we’ve tasked an anonymous blogger with sharing their experience. The goal is to give you a taste of the power of Jesus that we get to see a glimpse of in Redemption Groups, and help you see why they are essential for the life of a TPC partner. This is the fourth of 7 entries.

These posts will only include the thoughts, feelings, and experiences of the anonymous blogger.

I didn’t know what I wanted to talk about tonight, there were so many routes I could have taken.

I trusted the Holy Spirit to lead questions and answers and He did. My leaders helped me sift through my thoughts with their questions and before I knew it, we were talking about some important relationships in my life.

They asked me how I think God views me, how I think my earthly father views me and how I think my earthly mother views me. Once I answered each, it was obvious to me and the room that there was a lot of hurt I’ve been carrying from my mom.

I have pain from ways that my mom has treated me and things she has said to me.

Words are very powerful, they stick around way longer than the breath that formed them. One thing I took from this week’s RG was full permission to call things for what they are.

A lie is a lie, the truth is true and a wound is a wound. Being able to name things for what they are doesn’t take the sting away. I still want to shake my fist at the ways my mom has hurt me. Because it really does hurt, words and ideas that are not true coming from a mother. And I am able to say that what is wrong is wrong. I don’t have to stew on it and stay and grieve forever.

But I have full permission, especially in this group, to sit in it for a time and call things what they are in the presence of God. And to ultimately let Him help me sort through the pain and heal. Whatever it takes for more and more of Jesus and less and less of me.

It is easy to indulge in bitterness when we are hurt. It is brave and freeing to forgive. But I think what I get to do in Redemption Groups is take the time to face what is not true first, in order to forgive; in order to love God more and let Him love me more.

It was a strangely encouraging week for me. Not only to recognize these wounds from growing up but getting to hold them up to the truth and have full permission to choose what is true over what is not.